How you communicate with your children will affect their relationship with you as a parent. Communicating assertively with your children will be a way of showing them good example for learning effective communication skills. When we yell as parents, our children do not hear us. For example
I recall a situation I regret deeply. My husband has been shuttling between our home and abroad in the last few years. One evening I had a phone conversation with him which did not go well. As soon as our son got home, I started asking him why he did not notice that the garbage was full. All I can remember is that I immediately started to yell at him, and he left me there and ran upstairs to his room and slammed the door. I realized what I had done and said to myself, ‘Georginia what have you done? You are losing your son! Really?! Is he the cause of your aggression? Just be real with yourself!’ I quietly went to my room, advised myself and gave him time to cool off. The following morning, I went to his room and I said ‘I felt disrespected when you walked out on me last night’. He said to me, “mom I didn’t hear anything you said because you were yelling, raising your voice at me, that wasn’t you! I am sorry if you felt disrespected, but that was the only way for me to deal with the situation.” There and then I stepped up and took accountability for my behavior and I apologized to him. How many times do we upset our children because of the negative emotions we carry and we have not taken steps to deal with our own emotions. It is your responsibility to ask for support for what you are going through and not dump it on your children. I have two therapists that support me from time to time and my Pastors are also a great support.
Your children need to talk about their negative feelings. If they are struggling to talk to you encourage them to talk to a professional who will be supportive to them in their challenges.